It is always about where we are and where we are going. My entire life I have been overweight. That is no exaggeration. My story is a long tale to tell but I want to speak it. Release it.
It all started when I was younger. After all, that’s where most people’s story starts and what molds us into who are today. I was bullied in school and at home my father had a nasty habit of calling me fat and lazy on a regular basis. I guess I don’t really know if that was his way of trying to motivate me or just him being cruel. While I don’t know how his brain reasoned it out, it was something that, as a child, I didn’t recognize as insecurity on his part. As an adult I understand the rationale behind people choosing to put others down. There is just hurt or unresolved issues they are dealing with to which they tend to lash out at others to make them feel misery too. Misery loves company they say. That by no means justifies it. From a young age on into my adulthood I was always self-conscious of my weight and what others perceived me to be. I’ll touch on that later.
In my mind now, I think I was actually a cute kid. Oh the things I wish I could tell the younger version of myself.
I transitioned to a new school system the summer before 8th grade. I moved into a small community where everyone had basically known each other since birth and felt unwanted right from the start. I don’t fault my classmates for how I felt. Kids don’t understand until they are adults or have kids of their that feeling like an outcast can be soul-crushing. I try to embrace all of my life experiences. Good or bad. I look at my children now and hope they don’t feel like I did in school. I always make it a point to reassure them that this journey they are going through is only temporary and that it is for only such a small part of their lives.
I suppose the most crushing blow I took as a young adult was the passing of my mother. At the age of seventeen she passed away of a massive heart attack. She was my best friend. I kid you not when I say that we were pretty inseparable. That happened the summer before my senior year of high school. I honestly have never been the same since. That’s another tale for another time though…
Now. Let’s talk about now. After all the soul-crushing and self-doubt, how does a person move on and finally let some of the focus fall on themselves? It’s not easy. It takes a pivotal moment to trigger something deep down inside. You’ll know it when you feel it and until then, it’s virtually impossible to find that motivating factor to pull you into the light. My moment happened when I could no longer take the anxiety of feeling ashamed and stressed to the point of crying trying to leave the house. I couldn’t even go to the grocery store without being paranoid that the outside world was looking at me as a hideous, fat freak. I don’t think many people even realized it about me unless I verbally mentioned it. Anxiety is an awful thing. It chokes your heart with a death grip. It literally leaves you breathless sometimes.
I realized I needed change. I needed to change for my husband, kids, and most importantly for myself. In my mid twenties I had gone on a low carbohydrate diet and lost 80 pounds. I knew that if I tweaked what I did back then to accommodate my lifestyle now, I could fight off my demons and find a happier place. I researched. And researched some more. I mean every. Single. Day. If it wasn’t an article it was a YouTube video or a blog. That’s when I found Keto. I dove into my new outlook on life October 5th, 2017.
The best advice I have given on how to change what you’re doing and see results is to research. The best thing you can do is educate yourself. That knowledge is more powerful than you know. If you understand how your body is fueling itself and why food addiction and sugar addiction happens, then you are more likely to talk yourself out of that one “cheat meal” or “cheat food.”
Some people work best on experiencing things themselves, me included. It took “cheating” one time during Thanksgiving a few weeks after I started to know how it wasn’t worth my time. I felt awful for an entire week.
There is a video that is a good watch if you are more interested in understanding the body. I’m sure that some will find it controversial, but nonetheless it’s a good watch. I will be the first to admit that I am by no means a strict Keto eater. I do my best everyday and some days that means I’m just low carb instead. I’m totally okay with that.
What I can celebrate is the fact that I’m seeing progress. I’m down 65 pounds and have sustained this lifestyle for nine months now. It’s simply a choice. I just wake up and still choose to eat Keto/low carb. Just the same as someone choosing to be vegan, paleo, or full on fast food. Your life, you choose. I’m not trying to convince anyone to live their life any certain way. This is my story and my journey, I just want to share my thoughts and feelings.
. . . To Be Continued. . .